Fix Your Eyes on Christ

A few years back my girlfriend and I were talking about life and the books or blogs we were reading. I mentioned if I ever was given the opportunity to share, I wanted to be authentic. I wanted to be real. I wanted to be honest about my struggles, along with my victories. So here I find myself with a great opportunity in writing and sharing my story and the fear of being vulnerable about my shortcomings sets in!! However, I strongly feel this one struggle is not only one I deal with, but many of us do. It is the struggle of envy.

For those of you who know me, you know my story of being a widow and raising my children on my own. And for those of you who don't, I just summed up the last 10 years of my life! For the most part, life is great. I would even go as far to say, wonderful!! We have found joy and laughter again in this journey of new life. But then there are other times where I find this envious side of me starting to creep in.

Today is the beginning of our spring break, the week where all families tend to go away on a holiday. So this also begins the onslaught of family photos from Disneyland, beaches or cruise ships on social media, and I find myself comparing my life to theirs. Somehow it triggers an old narrative in my head; “That should've been us”, “It’s not fair”, “Will that ever be us?” and so on. The record player in my mind tends to hit the repeat button with those phrases. Then the jealousy begins. I allow the recording to continue to play in my mind; jealousy now turns to envy. If I keep pressing repeat on that recording, bitterness will soon brew within.

The enemy is quick in these moments to remind us of what we don’t have or what we have lost. He is quick to lure our eyes off of Christ so that we focus on our circumstance. He would find great pleasure in seeing my little jealous thoughts grow and fester into a root of bitterness.

The definition of Jealousy according to Cambridge English Dictionary is this:

unhappy and angry because someone has something that you want

The definition of envy according to Dictionary.com reads like this:

a feeling of discontent or covetousness with regard to another's advantages, success, possessions, etc

I was definitely struggling with all of those emotions as I flipped through my news feeds, and listened to the recordings in my mind. The more I fixed my eyes and thoughts on the things I wanted, the more discontented I became. The more depressed and angry I got.

The key word is FIXED.

I was fixing my eyes on things I wanted or thought I was missing out on and I became consumed by it. All the while I was missing out on the things that I have and am blessed with! Besides the four beautiful and healthy children I have, I am blessed with a home, friends, a job, family, and community. And these are all just the earthly things!! I also have the confidence of what is yet to come! BUT I need to remind myself to FIX my eyes on CHRIST!

16 Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.17 For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 18 So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

2 Corinthians 4:16-18 NIV

God has truly supplied all my needs in every way!! He has not only supplied the physical needs of living here on this earth. But he has also supplied a way that we get to spend eternity with HIM!!! Through Christ!!

So replace my word of Disneyland with whatever word it is that you are envious of the next person with. Are you fixed on what you don't have, all the while missing out on the things you are blessed with? Can I challenge you the same way I have had to challenge myself...fix your eyes above, on the ONE who supplies your every need and satisfies your soul. I know the Truth that sets me free, but sometimes I need to be reminded of it. When that recording from my old thought life tries to get the front and center of my attention, I need to learn how to use the pause button sooner. In fact...I need to find the delete button once and for all!!

What He is saying to me; Remember what is truly important in this fleeting world. Keep your eyes fixed on Me. My grace is sufficient for you. My promises are never failing.

What I am saying to Him; Lord forgive me when I lose my sight. Forgive me when I start to fix my eyes on the wrong things. Help me to remember the truth, and cling to YOU!!