Who Do You Say That I Am?

I read a book this summer that I have to admit I struggled to finish. It wasn't a terrible book, but I didn't really agree with what the author was saying. Normally I wouldn't continue reading if I didn't agree with the content, but this time I couldn't put the book down. I felt I had to see it through, to see why this author struggled with her faith so much. And what about it made me so uncomfortable? Why should someone else's opinion of faith bother me? Then it hit me. Because this was me not so long ago. I felt like I was reading my own words and I was cringing!

The premise of the book was based on how she struggled to find a church to fit her. She found fault with so many. And as she wrestled with her own struggle of deciding who God was, she also struggled with the fact that everyone seemed to have a different opinion on it and it was causing her more confusion…..who had this religion thing right anyway?

As I continued through the chapters and read about her jump from one church denomination to the next, I felt a sense of understanding of her need to find out what the truth was. Did the church who seemed very liberal in their thinking love better than the church who loved their rules more, or did the charismatic church who saw the miraculous have it more right than the one that doesn't believe in miracles today? On and on the list went and at the end of the book, there was no answer. Just a sense of loss and confusion.

This book broke me. I was like this author just a few short years ago. I was seeking my hope in a church and a building full of broken people. I was looking at them to give me answers that only a personal relationship with God could fill. I was searching for the perfect church, one that doesn't exist. But what I didn't know at the time was that I was truly searching for God, who does exist. Foolishly I was looking to others to tell me who He was.

In the Gospel of Mark Jesus had a conversation with His disciples...

"Who do people say that I am?" They replied, "Some say John the Baptist, others say Elijah: and still others, one of the prophets" "But what about you?" he asked, " Who do you say I am?" Peter answered, "You are the CHRIST" Mark 8:27-29 NIV

The question "Who do you say I am?" kept coming to me over and over again as I continued to read. For years I waited on others to tell me who God was. I wanted the opinions of others constantly because I didn't have that relationship with God that gave me the confidence to say "You are the Christ." Oh, I said it, but I said it because my husband believed it or because my mom did or because my pastor preached it. But I never really believed it myself. I was exactly like the infant as the scripture warns us in Ephesians:.

"Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of people in their deceitful scheming. Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into Him who is the Head, that is, CHRIST." Ephesians 4:14-15 NIV

We are bombarded these days with so many teachings. With the access we have to everyone's thoughts and opinions through the internet and social media, it is easy to be swayed away from the truth.

And so over the last few years, I came to understand that when I stand before God at the end of my days He is not going to ask me about the account of "such and such" a church or "so and so's" opinion. He will ask for the account of my life and He will, in turn, be asking me, "Who did you say I was?".

Three years ago in my confused and frustrated state, I asked God to show me who He was. Guess where He directed me...back to the Bible! I have dug into the scriptures like never before! I have spent hours revisiting the old stories I was taught as a little girl and I have seen scripture come to life. It has been such an amazing journey of discovering Him. Having that personal everyday time with Him has become so important in my life.

As a mom of 4, I can help lead my kids through scriptures better than I ever could before. When they have questions about things of the scripture my first response isn't "Go ask the pastor" and that has been so rewarding for me. Hear me clearly when I say there have been amazing teachers, pastors, and friends who have spoken such truth into our lives as well. But as I teach my kids daily of things in this life, I tend to encourage them to continually seek God for themselves and create that personal relationship with Him. One day they too will stand before the Lord and answer for themselves, " Who did you say I am?”.

And as for me, I want to stand before God Almighty, maker of heaven and earth and say "You are the great I Am."

What God is saying to me:

I want you to really know me. Allow me to show you who I am instead of looking to those around you.

What I am saying to God:

God, show me who you are. I want to know You intimately. I seek you and you alone.